How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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