I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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