You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it's like iHOP with fire
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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