so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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