I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
