Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
