Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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