Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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