How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
