I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm at about main and main street
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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