so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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