For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
