I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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