TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
