You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize