I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
