I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i dont even know how to be here
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
