i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
