We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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