Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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