I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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