i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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