I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize