I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This is the high leading the old right now
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
