His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
