Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
