I intend to get homeless drunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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