So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
