tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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