He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I had to cum in my sink.
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