Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
