Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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