I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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