Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
