a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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