Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
