Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
