seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize