well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
