Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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