she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
