While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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