my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
