I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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