I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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