If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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