I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
