Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize