Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
