i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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