Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Randomize
