So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
