my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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