just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
