my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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