Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
